too bad you live with your parents still
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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