shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
