I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
