Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
