I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
