how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
