did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
