I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize