just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
