Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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