If that was your dad, he is hot
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
