DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
