He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
