my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
