There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
