good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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