i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
