she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
