I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
