hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
