All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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