I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize