Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sponge bath it is.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
