I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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