Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Your dad touched me again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
