they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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