he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
