Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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