i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
