oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize