Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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