Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
