My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
