I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are the jesus of drinking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize