It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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