I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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