Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
