got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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