the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
50% drunk capacity currently
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
