Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize