Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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