ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
