Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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