My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
