Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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