I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
organizing the empties. That sober.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
