Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
