I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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