I puked a lego.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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