I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
