I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
