There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
