so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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