last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
