can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
