Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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