i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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