Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
