I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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