I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
