I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
