I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
