just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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