Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
