we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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