WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
