i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
