I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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