kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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