oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
