We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
