My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
