I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
