You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
