You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize