You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
