Kareoke will never be a sober sport
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
