Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
