I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
