this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
