I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
