Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
