My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize