why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
