So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
