have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
