Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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