Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
