Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize