if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
