dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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