so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
