am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
