all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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