When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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