I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I forget how to act sober
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
