Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize