True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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