1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
