Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize