On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
